sleepyhead

i guess the exhaustion hit me hard...i slept right through morning class today! i felt like a dumbass going to one of the teachers to tell them that i slept through class, but she was nice about it. i have a makeup class to do on sunday morning. yay. i go to the sunday class anyhow. i've been having a hard time getting used to not sleeping much - my meds at night really knock me out cold. and i'm just not sleeping enough i think - oh well, they claim and claim that doing yoga gives you more energy, so i'm waiting for some more energy.

my left shoulder has become inflamed and sore...right at the joint. it's nothing serious, but it's enough to change my postures. i actually got some mirror space today (prime real estate) and noticed that my posture is changing to compensate for my lack of ability to move my left arm normally. i am starting to feel the soreness and slight pain spread to my scapula and my upper back...i did take it easy in tonite's class, although only after i already forced my way through the postures that affects my shoulder the most. i'm such a dumbass about things sometimes, my body tells me to let it rest, but my dumbassness tells me to force my way through it...

i've developed a bad starbucks habit. i get a "grande no water chai"...one of the guys who works there knows my drink now....AND i get a 3 cent discount (it comes out to 4.03). wow. the whole milk makes me gaseous, but i can't live without dairy.

speaking of, it's strange how healthy i eat now. i guess first and foremost, i eat more reasonable quantities of food. before i would eat until i couldn't eat anymore, but now i eat a reasonable amount of food. i always liked eating vegetables, but i eat more of them. fruits as well. all in it's raw state most of the times. i've cut down on my meat consumption, no more giant burgers and steaks whenever i feel like it. i haven't had a coke in 4 weeks (i get sparkling water when i crave the carbonation. it isn't ever completely satisfying, but it makes me burp). don't get me wrong, i still love kebabs(gyros), burgers, steaks and fries, i just don't eat it as often. BUT, i am feeling a little too new agey and healthy and uppity, so saturday, i'm gonna go get me a big burger with fries and wash it down with a giant coke.

i guess i'm still a bit frustrated. i'm trying to be more cognizant of my thought process. specifically my tendency to develop certain expectations for myself. when i first got here, the first 2 weeks, i was very present in the present. i was very aware of taking everything as it came. i was relaxed. i did what i could at the moment to my best ability, without any specific expectations. somewhere between then and now, i've lost that. i keep setting these concrete goals and requirements for myself, and in the end, it is leading to frustration. i guess i've gotten caught up in my environment, where many of the people are very comparative and competitive. so long boring thought short, my priority now is to find that presence i had when i first came here. to let go of whatever expectations my mind continues to create for myself. i know that this thought process is wasteful and the root of my frustration (perhaps?).

it is almost friday, one full day and a saturday morning class and it is the weekend! i plan to go hiking and get out of the hotel, out of waikiki, and into some quiet lush greenery up in the mountains...i must say, although i missed class this morning, damn that was some yummy tasty much needed sleep!