Tuesday, May 22, 2007

sleeping through the melodrama

i felt so out of my body at the evening class today. at one point i was not remembering where the hell i was. probably not a good thing, but i'm fine now. i really need to work on not being so extreme. i need to pace myself better, last week i was just drained towards the end of the week. a friend told me that she used to do the same thing i do now...i just push myself and just kill myself. lately, it's not working, i am obliterated by the end of the week. so my new mantra: pace yourself. i guess that was one of my mantras in the hospital, pacing myself. not in such a goddamned rush like i've felt my entire life. hurried. early.

as far as the practical things go, the posture clinic comedy continues. dialogue after dialogue, i am actually bothering to memorize the postures. i basically only study the damned thing during my meals. lunch and dinner. which is about 2 hours a day. it's probably giving me indigestion. it's unbelievably frightening to get in
front of 40 to 50 of your peers and perform a monologue. i mean, dialogue. but i guess i'm getting better at the performance part. i don't get so damned scared like i did in the beginning performances..

ground hog's day. that's what many yogis are calling yoga camp. even the hilarious rules and enforcement of rules. i think half the appeal of this teacher training is the camp like environment. school like. and add a pampered version of boot camp. roommates. classes. lectures. tests. physical exercise. performances. talent show. yearbook commitee. picture day portraits for the yearbook. directory. you spend the entire day (08:30-23:00 to 01:00) with 300 something people. in class. out of class. inbetween classes. in your room. in the bathroom. at lunch. and dinner. and any snacks between meals (you never eat anything you really like in front of others in close quarters or you will most likely find yourself sharing your snacks with neighbors). you see each other everywhere. it's hilarious to think about it. i guess it's like a 9 week spa that kicks your ass a little bit (mostly at your own convenience) over the most mundane and sometimes utterly pointless and unbelievably boring. constipation inducing boring (much more often than i expected). the entertainment value of the various yoga camp activities has severely diminshed. and again, much more than i expected, the relevance to the practice and teaching of yoga is often unclear, very loose or completely irrelevent. sometimes, annoyingly so.

unsurprisingly, melodramatic sob stories unfold. all sorts of childish melodramas. and only sometimes entertaining.

as 7 weeks have passed, most people seem to have found a closer, smaller group of people you actually do enjoy spending time with. relationships of practicality. perhaps friendship. perhaps one in the same?

i'm beat. this school boy better get to bed.

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