oops...a huge gap

with the extremely busy schedule and lack of computer, i have put off the blog for sometime. i have journaled, not daily as i had planned, but at moments. i had every intention of keeping a jounral of my experience here in hawaii but like many good intentions, it has been put off, delayed, postponed. and of course the usual suspaecs as to why i write after almost 2 weeks of my being here.

tomorrow, friday, will mark 2 weeks in honolulu. it is all still very much surreal. perhaps when you are in such a physically beautiful place and space, it seems always a bit surreal. perhaps having come from paris makes it all the more surreal. perhaps it is my constant moving around. in the last 6 months of my life, i have traveled quite a bit. perhaps not so much as travelled (w/plans, a destination, a timeline), but drifted around. aimlessly, with no plans, no destination, no timeline. at least of my own. mountains in the fall. mountains in the early winter. red sandstone mountains, natural hot springs in the early winter's cold, early morning frost. locked up in confining spaces. a home that is not my own. a city of millions and millions and aging landmarks of "history." and now? a tropical paradise in the middle of the ocean. thousands of miles away from every soul that has come and gone in my life until this moment. in a hotel room. living with a stranger from minnesota. in a tourist's corner of paradise, trying to practically and impractically piece my life back together. a critical endeavor, with 300 something other similarly minded (?) individuals, all of us seeking something. perhaps to fill an absence that is in reality, unknown. perhaps they are here like i am here. perhaps it is not the case. regardless, it is a bit like school again. i have not been in such an environment since school - a large group of people in some kind of general synchronicity. i guess in truth, the last time i was with such a group was at the hospital, there was indeed a general synchronicity there as well. perhaps it is because of the fact that i am still drugged up on 5 different prescriptions. i sleep very little, not enough to wake up from the medication. i tire myself with practical knowledge and attempts of introspection...

i keep my mind open, i keep my heart open, and i am trying to keep my body clean.